Love these musings. At 71 with incurable cancer, I wish I'd allowed myself even the window into my heart to consider such things, I worry it's too late now. But you have allowed the freedom even to think about it. Thank you.
Thank you, Rachel. I understand, as much as is possible from your words and your musings. For me, (finally!) finding an emotionally secure and rock-steady love later in life allowed me to soar creatively and emotionally. And to soften up, to shed my hard shell of self-protection and fears of losing control. To give up the insecurities and the fears, recognize them for what they were and why, that was freedom for me. But all that came later in life. As it seems to be for you. Be proud of your brave self for letting love in. I think often of this line from Leonard Cohen’s ‘Anthem’, “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.”
I love this post Rachel and all of your others where you process all that has happened and is still happening . You are brave and maybe a little wild in the most lovely way. I dream of both freedom and security. I have spent my life dabbling in both. I think I have told myself that I will find the opportunity for true freedom with in security but as you said security can be an illusion and most certainly a shifting temporary thing. Everything thing about our lives and selves and relationships all seem to be a shifting, ever changing piece of the puzzle.
What a delight to receive this comment from you, Rachel. I am really touched that you are still reading my blog. Thank you for your kind words. I would like to be a little wild in a lovely kind of way, though some people will always call it destructive. It all depends upon perspective, I believe. Thanks for sharing that you also dream and dabble in security and freedom. It sounds like you feel the art of that balance as well. Best wishes to you and your loved ones!!!
I too chose freedom over security at age 55 when I left a marriage of 30 years. I dated immediately. I made mistakes. I learned who I was and what I wanted and needed in a true partner. I learned I was worthy. I kissed a lot of frogs . After 5 years I met my soulmate. We moved in together immediately, we married within the year. We have an equal, reciprocal, respectful, loving and trusting relationship. We moved to Italy 4.5 years ago because we couldn’t afford living on our SS in the US. Every day we are grateful.
So many woman are not able to let go of security in order to choose freedom. We are both bold and strong. Brava to you.
Oh, wow, cheers to you, Sandra. I am proud to be counted in your company. Every day I am grateful for certain bold, freedom moves in my life as well. For some people, this is not the way, but for me it is. And that is what I hold onto.
Relationships are often hard. Lots of terrain to negotiate, over and over. But, your new home is showing that you are building something really nice. I was married almost 50 years--my husband died in 2013. We had very similar values, but were also very different people. He certainly provided security, but could not often...share.
I admire the way you have always shared so much of yourself and your feelings in these blog posts Rachel. It’s wonderful to read such a genuine account of these very complicated human experiences and one that resonates with so many of us. Thank you for always being so authentically you and for allowing us to share that.
There's and old saying that the only thing certain in life is death and taxes. I guess that's very true. I love to hear your thoughts. It makes me think more.
"Perhaps security is an illusion, but my heart says that freedom is not." Yes. For me, and I struggle to put it into words, security is an (illusory) outward condition; freedom is a state of being. My desire for security is my desire to be free of fear (impossible), and in my desire to be free of fear I risk trading freedom itself for the illusion of security. I've found freedom in the deep faith that no matter what the circumstances around me, if I live with honesty-love-humility-courage, I'm gonna be okay. 'Okay' means not that I will have all that I want, but I will have (and always have had) all that I need. And that grants me freedom to get out of self and live outwardly, freely, gratefully. On a good day, of course. :)) Still figuring out this human thing!
Oh my goodness, this is gold, Jojo. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your unique perspective. I really resonate with this: "My desire for security is my desire to be free of fear (impossible), and in my desire to be free of fear I risk trading freedom itself for the illusion of security." When, in contrast, we choose freedom and it costs some security, society and even loved ones tend to tut-tut-tut. I understand that because security is so outward (everyone can see it) and freedom is so personal (others may not experience it the same way). Therefore a person can judge or weigh these two for another. But that tut-tut-tut can be confusing for me, particularly when there are children involved.
Thank you for sharing an area that you're digging deep into, pushing yourself to fully understand and recon with… it can be a real mental and heart exercise…. And I think it can change us into more of what we need and aspire to become. I say this because it makes me think about an area I’ve been dealing with, though the particulars are different. Something that came into my life that I had no choice over and had to learn to deal with. Through much counseling and listening to podcasts on the topic, I find myself finally less overtaken by the issue, more in control of my feelings, my peace. The counseling and educating has paid off, though I have to be aware and on guard, or it will catch me unaware…. Silly, right, that I can only speak in generalities, not something I would share openly unless at a sit down over coffee with just one trusted person. Anyways, I respect you, Rachel, and always look forward to your offerings. Looking forward to more house pictures… as I know they are going to be as beautiful as your quilts are.
This. And Rachel, it has persisted for me into my 60s! You will have to read my next Substack letter where I talk a lot about this and about the journey toward the balance you’re addressing.
Love these musings. At 71 with incurable cancer, I wish I'd allowed myself even the window into my heart to consider such things, I worry it's too late now. But you have allowed the freedom even to think about it. Thank you.
Thank you, Rachel. I understand, as much as is possible from your words and your musings. For me, (finally!) finding an emotionally secure and rock-steady love later in life allowed me to soar creatively and emotionally. And to soften up, to shed my hard shell of self-protection and fears of losing control. To give up the insecurities and the fears, recognize them for what they were and why, that was freedom for me. But all that came later in life. As it seems to be for you. Be proud of your brave self for letting love in. I think often of this line from Leonard Cohen’s ‘Anthem’, “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.”
Beautiful, Abbie. Thank you for sharing this here.
You are an exceptional, thought provoking writer. Thank you for sharing your inner musings.
I love this post Rachel and all of your others where you process all that has happened and is still happening . You are brave and maybe a little wild in the most lovely way. I dream of both freedom and security. I have spent my life dabbling in both. I think I have told myself that I will find the opportunity for true freedom with in security but as you said security can be an illusion and most certainly a shifting temporary thing. Everything thing about our lives and selves and relationships all seem to be a shifting, ever changing piece of the puzzle.
What a delight to receive this comment from you, Rachel. I am really touched that you are still reading my blog. Thank you for your kind words. I would like to be a little wild in a lovely kind of way, though some people will always call it destructive. It all depends upon perspective, I believe. Thanks for sharing that you also dream and dabble in security and freedom. It sounds like you feel the art of that balance as well. Best wishes to you and your loved ones!!!
Thank you for being willing to share and to be vulnerable. Know that many, many people who rarely make a comment, have been rooting for you. Torry
That is so sweet, Torry. Thank you.
Beautiful musings that hit close to home. Thank you
I too chose freedom over security at age 55 when I left a marriage of 30 years. I dated immediately. I made mistakes. I learned who I was and what I wanted and needed in a true partner. I learned I was worthy. I kissed a lot of frogs . After 5 years I met my soulmate. We moved in together immediately, we married within the year. We have an equal, reciprocal, respectful, loving and trusting relationship. We moved to Italy 4.5 years ago because we couldn’t afford living on our SS in the US. Every day we are grateful.
So many woman are not able to let go of security in order to choose freedom. We are both bold and strong. Brava to you.
Oh, wow, cheers to you, Sandra. I am proud to be counted in your company. Every day I am grateful for certain bold, freedom moves in my life as well. For some people, this is not the way, but for me it is. And that is what I hold onto.
I share your opinion fiercely. ❤️
Relationships are often hard. Lots of terrain to negotiate, over and over. But, your new home is showing that you are building something really nice. I was married almost 50 years--my husband died in 2013. We had very similar values, but were also very different people. He certainly provided security, but could not often...share.
I admire the way you have always shared so much of yourself and your feelings in these blog posts Rachel. It’s wonderful to read such a genuine account of these very complicated human experiences and one that resonates with so many of us. Thank you for always being so authentically you and for allowing us to share that.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Jo.
There's and old saying that the only thing certain in life is death and taxes. I guess that's very true. I love to hear your thoughts. It makes me think more.
I thought of the same saying when I wrote this post, haha.
"Perhaps security is an illusion, but my heart says that freedom is not." Yes. For me, and I struggle to put it into words, security is an (illusory) outward condition; freedom is a state of being. My desire for security is my desire to be free of fear (impossible), and in my desire to be free of fear I risk trading freedom itself for the illusion of security. I've found freedom in the deep faith that no matter what the circumstances around me, if I live with honesty-love-humility-courage, I'm gonna be okay. 'Okay' means not that I will have all that I want, but I will have (and always have had) all that I need. And that grants me freedom to get out of self and live outwardly, freely, gratefully. On a good day, of course. :)) Still figuring out this human thing!
Oh my goodness, this is gold, Jojo. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your unique perspective. I really resonate with this: "My desire for security is my desire to be free of fear (impossible), and in my desire to be free of fear I risk trading freedom itself for the illusion of security." When, in contrast, we choose freedom and it costs some security, society and even loved ones tend to tut-tut-tut. I understand that because security is so outward (everyone can see it) and freedom is so personal (others may not experience it the same way). Therefore a person can judge or weigh these two for another. But that tut-tut-tut can be confusing for me, particularly when there are children involved.
Really enjoyed this.
Thanks for saying so, Lisa.
Thank you for sharing an area that you're digging deep into, pushing yourself to fully understand and recon with… it can be a real mental and heart exercise…. And I think it can change us into more of what we need and aspire to become. I say this because it makes me think about an area I’ve been dealing with, though the particulars are different. Something that came into my life that I had no choice over and had to learn to deal with. Through much counseling and listening to podcasts on the topic, I find myself finally less overtaken by the issue, more in control of my feelings, my peace. The counseling and educating has paid off, though I have to be aware and on guard, or it will catch me unaware…. Silly, right, that I can only speak in generalities, not something I would share openly unless at a sit down over coffee with just one trusted person. Anyways, I respect you, Rachel, and always look forward to your offerings. Looking forward to more house pictures… as I know they are going to be as beautiful as your quilts are.
Thanks for sharing, Pam. Even without the particularities, I can hear you and appreciate the hard work you have done in this area.
Love this
This. And Rachel, it has persisted for me into my 60s! You will have to read my next Substack letter where I talk a lot about this and about the journey toward the balance you’re addressing.