Oh Rachel, I can tell you from the vantage point of 80 years that what you are feeling IS something that happens about this time in your life. It is a point in a woman's life where things start changing or have changed radically. It is good that you are thinking about it all, feeling your way through it. There is so much life and joy on the other side. And YOU have such gifts to share, to enjoy yourself. Don't forget you are about to move to a new home--that's a piece of this moment too. Probably a big piece. I'm new to your blog--I found you just this year--but I so, so enjoy your wonderful creativity. My Scrap Cabin went from SC to Colorado last week with one of my oldest friends, who fell in love with that quilt with the awesome border you designed for it. And my Parsnips is growing on my design wall. So you are right--take deep breaths and just move through these feelings. They are normal. And I agree with others here: Life is messy but wonderful things can come out of all that messiness.
It is hard to find yourself after the calls of motherhood diminish. We give so much to take care of our children that we disappear for a while, but all of the beautiful things that you’ve done and all of the beautiful things that you are capable of are still there. Isn’t it funny how we focus on the negative? That little voice in the back of our head just weighing us down moving forward sometimes has to be a learned pattern every day. You have to tell yourself something good maybe write it down trying to reinforce the positive even if you don’t feel it right away. I’m praying for you that you find peace.
You have shared such a journey of motherhood that only a rare few experience - the loss of a child. This changes mother’s path and focus. And so commonly affect our relationships with our spouse. Be gentle with yourself. Add to it .. the stage of life you are now entering - as others have said before my post - is a real mental game changer. Don’t succumb to the chatter. Stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid to be alone. I spent many evenings with my cat and dog keeping me company ( mooching my dinner) as I ate .. alone. Wondering how it had all ended so quickly. The silence was deafening. But as you are doing - we dig deep within ourselves and find a new path. There is joy and brightness and creativity you haven’t found yet just waiting for you. And there’s nothing more fun than having adult children who are so very smart. We are always learning.
So grateful I found you! Keep creating. Keep that faith 🙏
Thanks for your confident message, Audrey. My favorite part: "There is joy and brightness and creativity you haven’t found yet just waiting for you." I so agree. There is more lovely life ahead for all of us brave enough to keep living.
As you move through different parts of your life, so do your children. Leave physical (a room to stay in) and emotional room in your life for them to re-enter when they are ready. That is my advice….
Dearest Rachel – thank you for trusting us with who you are and how you feel. You are a brave and amazing woman, you continue to grow and learn, laugh and cry, and mourn loss as you open your heart to new love and a new home. Wrap your arms around yourself and love yourself, be proud of yourself. Thank you for all that is you.
The absolute hardest thing for a mother is finding herself again after her children have grown and it is a very big shift. Yes, you cannot change it, but you must decide how you are going to live with it. It is good that you recognize you have been in the valley before and managed to climb back to the mountain top. You can and will again. I'm glad that you have such wise supportive friends to help you to see these things. Here's to the next phase of life.
You are a wonderful person and a creative genius! When you feel sad just look at all those beautiful colors of fabric you put together. Just looking at your work pulls me right out of the blues! I think color therapy is a wonderful tool!
The older I get, the more these thoughts come in to my head. But, you can't go back. All I can do is learn and move forward. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks, but I have to remember the things I am so, so grateful for and it helps me ove on.
That pattern is lovely. I love paper piecing! What is the name of it?
Thank you, Rachel for being so vulnerable and letting us into your world… Im sorry you had such a difficult emotional experience, and as hard as it is, I do think that sitting with the pain rather than avoiding it is ultimately a good thing. Also, Im really glad you reached out to someone and that they were helpful to you. Letting go of the closeness we have with our grown children is hard. I deal with that as well. Some solace for me is that our two daughters have brought two granddaughters each, four total into our lives, but still I haven’t found a way to accept the changes with my relationship with my daughters. Having been a stay at home mom, and mostly putting their needs above my own. A new thought that comes to me is the preparation of the ultimate letting go that we all will do some day. This life is short and full of things that were never meant to be. Thankfully we have a better life to come, one that will fulfill our every need.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Pam. Most of my friends have only young children. I see through their eyes their faith that if they are good mothers (which they are) their children will continue to be in close, joyful relationship with them as adults. If only it were so! As you said, it's so hard to accept that one thing does not equal the other. On the other hand, one can always hold out hope that seeds planted as a young mother will flower at a later time.
You have been a courageous soul through it all these years. Please continue to be so with your place in life just now. Our lives evolve sometimes when we don’t even see it and it can overwhelm one. Be kind to your wonderful motherly self too. Hugs from afar!
I'm glad you have a dear friend to help you and it's gift to us that you are sharing. Many of us can relate and life is extremely difficult. I've had to go through many things that I thought I never would have to deal with and at times it seems unbearable and at the top of the list was a divorce after 24 + years of marriage. I have 3 adult children as well and one lives far away in London (I live in California). My 3 adult children are not getting along well and that breaks my heart. All I can suggest is to keep busy, be positive, pray, and don't dwell on the past - easier said than done. A good counselor is hard to find, but can help although, I couldn't find one. You are so lucky to have a dear friend that came to help you. I do hope your boyfriend is helping you too. Thinking of you - sending love and hugs.
Oh Rachel, I can tell you from the vantage point of 80 years that what you are feeling IS something that happens about this time in your life. It is a point in a woman's life where things start changing or have changed radically. It is good that you are thinking about it all, feeling your way through it. There is so much life and joy on the other side. And YOU have such gifts to share, to enjoy yourself. Don't forget you are about to move to a new home--that's a piece of this moment too. Probably a big piece. I'm new to your blog--I found you just this year--but I so, so enjoy your wonderful creativity. My Scrap Cabin went from SC to Colorado last week with one of my oldest friends, who fell in love with that quilt with the awesome border you designed for it. And my Parsnips is growing on my design wall. So you are right--take deep breaths and just move through these feelings. They are normal. And I agree with others here: Life is messy but wonderful things can come out of all that messiness.
Such a beautiful message. Thanks, Louisa!
It is hard to find yourself after the calls of motherhood diminish. We give so much to take care of our children that we disappear for a while, but all of the beautiful things that you’ve done and all of the beautiful things that you are capable of are still there. Isn’t it funny how we focus on the negative? That little voice in the back of our head just weighing us down moving forward sometimes has to be a learned pattern every day. You have to tell yourself something good maybe write it down trying to reinforce the positive even if you don’t feel it right away. I’m praying for you that you find peace.
You have shared such a journey of motherhood that only a rare few experience - the loss of a child. This changes mother’s path and focus. And so commonly affect our relationships with our spouse. Be gentle with yourself. Add to it .. the stage of life you are now entering - as others have said before my post - is a real mental game changer. Don’t succumb to the chatter. Stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid to be alone. I spent many evenings with my cat and dog keeping me company ( mooching my dinner) as I ate .. alone. Wondering how it had all ended so quickly. The silence was deafening. But as you are doing - we dig deep within ourselves and find a new path. There is joy and brightness and creativity you haven’t found yet just waiting for you. And there’s nothing more fun than having adult children who are so very smart. We are always learning.
So grateful I found you! Keep creating. Keep that faith 🙏
Thanks for your confident message, Audrey. My favorite part: "There is joy and brightness and creativity you haven’t found yet just waiting for you." I so agree. There is more lovely life ahead for all of us brave enough to keep living.
As you move through different parts of your life, so do your children. Leave physical (a room to stay in) and emotional room in your life for them to re-enter when they are ready. That is my advice….
Thanks, Linda. Will do!
Life is bumpy Rachel. It is so so good to have friends close by that can lift you up.
What a gift. Your friend, her advice, your writing. Thank you. ❤️
Dearest Rachel – thank you for trusting us with who you are and how you feel. You are a brave and amazing woman, you continue to grow and learn, laugh and cry, and mourn loss as you open your heart to new love and a new home. Wrap your arms around yourself and love yourself, be proud of yourself. Thank you for all that is you.
Thank you for this beautiful message, Abbie.
Sharing your story means so much to those who feel alone in these feelings. Thank you.
Big hug, Lisa!
The absolute hardest thing for a mother is finding herself again after her children have grown and it is a very big shift. Yes, you cannot change it, but you must decide how you are going to live with it. It is good that you recognize you have been in the valley before and managed to climb back to the mountain top. You can and will again. I'm glad that you have such wise supportive friends to help you to see these things. Here's to the next phase of life.
You are a wonderful person and a creative genius! When you feel sad just look at all those beautiful colors of fabric you put together. Just looking at your work pulls me right out of the blues! I think color therapy is a wonderful tool!
The older I get, the more these thoughts come in to my head. But, you can't go back. All I can do is learn and move forward. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks, but I have to remember the things I am so, so grateful for and it helps me ove on.
That pattern is lovely. I love paper piecing! What is the name of it?
Thanks Bobby. That is my seafarers Quilt pattern.
Thank you for writing so openly. We all have heartbreaks and recoveries.
Note the plural!
and if you have time look up this poem about love by Erich Fried: What It Is .
And thank you to your friend and you for sharing her wise words.
I always enjoy an honest post from any woman. I always read your posts and have followed you for years!
Thanks, Penny, for your engagement =)
Thank you, Rachel for being so vulnerable and letting us into your world… Im sorry you had such a difficult emotional experience, and as hard as it is, I do think that sitting with the pain rather than avoiding it is ultimately a good thing. Also, Im really glad you reached out to someone and that they were helpful to you. Letting go of the closeness we have with our grown children is hard. I deal with that as well. Some solace for me is that our two daughters have brought two granddaughters each, four total into our lives, but still I haven’t found a way to accept the changes with my relationship with my daughters. Having been a stay at home mom, and mostly putting their needs above my own. A new thought that comes to me is the preparation of the ultimate letting go that we all will do some day. This life is short and full of things that were never meant to be. Thankfully we have a better life to come, one that will fulfill our every need.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Pam. Most of my friends have only young children. I see through their eyes their faith that if they are good mothers (which they are) their children will continue to be in close, joyful relationship with them as adults. If only it were so! As you said, it's so hard to accept that one thing does not equal the other. On the other hand, one can always hold out hope that seeds planted as a young mother will flower at a later time.
You have been a courageous soul through it all these years. Please continue to be so with your place in life just now. Our lives evolve sometimes when we don’t even see it and it can overwhelm one. Be kind to your wonderful motherly self too. Hugs from afar!
I'm glad you have a dear friend to help you and it's gift to us that you are sharing. Many of us can relate and life is extremely difficult. I've had to go through many things that I thought I never would have to deal with and at times it seems unbearable and at the top of the list was a divorce after 24 + years of marriage. I have 3 adult children as well and one lives far away in London (I live in California). My 3 adult children are not getting along well and that breaks my heart. All I can suggest is to keep busy, be positive, pray, and don't dwell on the past - easier said than done. A good counselor is hard to find, but can help although, I couldn't find one. You are so lucky to have a dear friend that came to help you. I do hope your boyfriend is helping you too. Thinking of you - sending love and hugs.