Oh Rachel, I read this sitting in the sunshine in my garden, coffee in hand. Romantic love what a huge topic of conversation. Is romance different at different stages of our lives. I married very young, romantic love but within just a few years things became very different a bad relationship I needed to remove myself from. A brave and hard move at 21 and living in Germany with the forces. I met and married my present husband still with romantic love in mind. 48 years of marriage later I would tell you that love has worn many hats over the years. Romantic, Passionate, comforting and at times downright aggravating!!! But a comforting feeling of love and affection remains, well most days anyway.😅 do I miss the heart stopping feeling when he walks in the room?? Probably but there are other feelings of security, steadiness that after all these years act as a glue that holds you. We have had many moments where we have struggled but got through so I think what I’m trying to say is that love changes romantic or otherwise. Our capacity to love changes and it encompasses a wealth of emotions. But the most important thing is to try to maintain a self of your own worth. A person who loves you will increase that sense of worth not reduce it. They will love us and we will love them warts and all.
“Feeling stronger or free because we don’t need to feel treasured”. I know that somewhere in the middle of my life and marriage, that was me. Reflecting on my own notion of romantic love this morning and grateful that I feel it in my 42nd year of marriage.
Dear Rachel, my friend. I also learned the hard way that romantic love needs time to bloom. My first husband turned out to be gay. After that divorce, I jumped quickly into another relationship I thought would be wonderful. He was initially just what I thought I wanted/needed. Shortly thereafter he became abusive and the abuse escalated to violence. I at that point, decided I was better off alone and I was in no way interested in another one-way relationship. Fast forward 30 years, I now have a 21year marriage to a man that treats me as his favorite person on earth. (And he’s my favorite). We both have our own likes, hobbies, etc. but, bottom line, we mostly enjoy just spending time together. All this said, it is necessary to first understand who you are and to learn to love yourself for the amazing woman you are! True love takes time to bloom. There’s no need to rush.
Never forget how amazing you are! You are loved by many, including me. You are lovable for who you are! There is no need to “settle” for a relationship that doesn’t honor the wonderful person that you are!!!!
You are a brave woman and I appreciate that you share musings on real topics from your life. I think many can relate including myself. If only romantic love were easier. I guess it is as varied as people themselves. You said something about challenge and growth, and that is for sure. Although I think it is less work for some, more for others. Certainly not for the faint of heart as is said. Your sharing today has caused me to think about my own experience and those in my family. Feels like a puzzle; what fits, what works, not wanting to give up for what might have been.
I’m 68 and alone, quite sure I will remain so. I do not have the energy or desire to try out another romantic relationship at this point. Not to be negative. What I admire and I think wish I’d had is lasting love. I thought I did, but I was wrong. Of course being in love is thrilling, but I don’t think that butterflies in the stomach feeling ever lasts very long. Eventually your love changes to something more lasting, less blind, more forgiving, but also more demanding. Sometimes the initial feelings of being enamored aren’t strong enough to survive the change.
I appreciate your comment, Charlotta, which is not negative but simply honest. =). I agree, the butterflies in the stomach doesn't last long, but that other kind of lasting love is what I mean when I talk about romantic love here.
Oh Rachel, I read this sitting in the sunshine in my garden, coffee in hand. Romantic love what a huge topic of conversation. Is romance different at different stages of our lives. I married very young, romantic love but within just a few years things became very different a bad relationship I needed to remove myself from. A brave and hard move at 21 and living in Germany with the forces. I met and married my present husband still with romantic love in mind. 48 years of marriage later I would tell you that love has worn many hats over the years. Romantic, Passionate, comforting and at times downright aggravating!!! But a comforting feeling of love and affection remains, well most days anyway.😅 do I miss the heart stopping feeling when he walks in the room?? Probably but there are other feelings of security, steadiness that after all these years act as a glue that holds you. We have had many moments where we have struggled but got through so I think what I’m trying to say is that love changes romantic or otherwise. Our capacity to love changes and it encompasses a wealth of emotions. But the most important thing is to try to maintain a self of your own worth. A person who loves you will increase that sense of worth not reduce it. They will love us and we will love them warts and all.
Good luck in your journey. Sue 💜
“Feeling stronger or free because we don’t need to feel treasured”. I know that somewhere in the middle of my life and marriage, that was me. Reflecting on my own notion of romantic love this morning and grateful that I feel it in my 42nd year of marriage.
Thank you for sharing, Ann.
Dear Rachel, my friend. I also learned the hard way that romantic love needs time to bloom. My first husband turned out to be gay. After that divorce, I jumped quickly into another relationship I thought would be wonderful. He was initially just what I thought I wanted/needed. Shortly thereafter he became abusive and the abuse escalated to violence. I at that point, decided I was better off alone and I was in no way interested in another one-way relationship. Fast forward 30 years, I now have a 21year marriage to a man that treats me as his favorite person on earth. (And he’s my favorite). We both have our own likes, hobbies, etc. but, bottom line, we mostly enjoy just spending time together. All this said, it is necessary to first understand who you are and to learn to love yourself for the amazing woman you are! True love takes time to bloom. There’s no need to rush.
Never forget how amazing you are! You are loved by many, including me. You are lovable for who you are! There is no need to “settle” for a relationship that doesn’t honor the wonderful person that you are!!!!
Many Blessings,
kim
You are a brave woman and I appreciate that you share musings on real topics from your life. I think many can relate including myself. If only romantic love were easier. I guess it is as varied as people themselves. You said something about challenge and growth, and that is for sure. Although I think it is less work for some, more for others. Certainly not for the faint of heart as is said. Your sharing today has caused me to think about my own experience and those in my family. Feels like a puzzle; what fits, what works, not wanting to give up for what might have been.
I’m 68 and alone, quite sure I will remain so. I do not have the energy or desire to try out another romantic relationship at this point. Not to be negative. What I admire and I think wish I’d had is lasting love. I thought I did, but I was wrong. Of course being in love is thrilling, but I don’t think that butterflies in the stomach feeling ever lasts very long. Eventually your love changes to something more lasting, less blind, more forgiving, but also more demanding. Sometimes the initial feelings of being enamored aren’t strong enough to survive the change.
I appreciate your comment, Charlotta, which is not negative but simply honest. =). I agree, the butterflies in the stomach doesn't last long, but that other kind of lasting love is what I mean when I talk about romantic love here.
Beautifully written. I wish you all the best on your journey to answer all these questions and I hope you find lasting love.